THE DOCTOR WHO RATINGS GUIDE: BY
FANS, FOR FANS
More Top Tens
Top Ten Villainous Voices by Martin Stone
23/1/01
The alien voices created by Doctor Who'ss many fine actors,
often in conjunction with the BBC's Radiophonic Workshop, have always been
one of my favorite aspects of the show. Just as Doctor Who took pains to
create non-humanoid aliens and creatures, so too did the show's creators
strive to produce truly chilling voices for their villains and monsters,
either through electronic means or through sheer acting ability. Here are
my top ten favorites:
- Dalek Interrogator, The Daleks Episode Two.
In the interrogation scene, we hear the archetypal Dalek voice: a
clipped, guttural sound with metallic overtones, imbued with cunning and
malice. Never again in Doctor Who, not even later in the same
serial, do we hear a Dalek sound this intelligent and purposeful. "A few
questions will reduce the mystery," it says to its comrade before the
Doctor is brought in. "The truth is that your supply of drugs has failed,
and you came to the City to see if you could find more," it snaps,
circling the Doctor like a shark, keeping its eye on him at all times.
"They must be disGUSTingly mutated," it says of the Thals, with hatred and
revulsion evident even through the fairly monotone delivery. Brilliant.
Almost every other Dalek I've ever heard suffered from either too droning
a delivery, or too squeaky; or too mechanical, or just plain hysterical.
Just this once it was perfect, and it's no wonder the creatures became
instant icons of alien menace.
- Cybermen, The Moonbase. The Cybermen's voices
have undergone almost as many changes as their physical appearance, and
here, I feel that they were at their best. (Though the voices in Tomb of the Cybermen are similar, they are not quite as
good. Who can explain why the Controller's voice goes up an octave in
Episode Three?) In The Moonbase, Peter Hawkins'
voice-box never sounded so inhuman, conveying the Cybermen's ruthlessly
logical mind-set with incredible verisimilitude. The vocal work perfectly
supports the physical action - though slow and unhurried, their sheer
implacability makes them terrifying. Of course, visuals (the scenes in
the Cyber-craft and on the lunar surface spring immediately to mind) help
this effect tremendously. I will never forget the chills I felt, raised
as I was on Earthshock era Cybermen, when I first
heard those buzzing voices issue their dispassionate threats over the
Base's intercom. "We are inside already."
- Anthony Ainley. I just can't resist. Sure, he was more of a ham
than Roger Delgado. But who could resist playing The Master to the
moustache-twirling hilt, especially when given such deliciously ripe
dialogue? ("These facile triumphs only whet my appetite for more
conquest!") With a saturnine smirk and a voice as velvety as his costume,
Anthony Ainley deserved his 8-year run as everyone's favorite Time Lord
villain. And though quite capable of an out-and-out Maniacal Laugh (tm),
he was never more charmingly despicable than when sneaking away with a
little "heh-heh-heh-heh".
- The Ice Warriors. Their labored breathing and hissing, sibilant
voices made in instant impression on me the moment I saw Seeds of Death at a convention so many years ago. No
effects necessary, just a top-notch vocal performance from actors encased
in rubber alligator suits. And, to top it all off, their voices become
more 'normal' in their own carbon dioxide atmosphere, a touch that goes a
long way towards selling these rather cumbersome creatures as realistic
aliens. The voices in the original Ice Warriors, now
that I've seen it on video, are even better. The Computer in that story
should get special mention as another quite effective voice, albeit
non-villainous.
- Sutekh, Pyramids of Mars. Given the severe
limitations on his physical performance - paralyzed for most of the story,
wearing a mask, replaced with a puppet when the mask comes off - Gabriel
Woolf could have voiced this supreme galactic destroyer as a ranting,
growling windbag. Instead, he delivered his lines with a chilling calm,
portraying Sutekh as a being so confident in his powers that to raise his
voice above a meditative whisper would be the most vulgar display
imaginable. His detached delivery goes a long way towards making Pyramids the eerie classic that it is.
- The Robots of Death. By now you may have
noticed in me a preference for alien voices which remain calm while
issuing the direst of threats - call it the HAL 9000 effect. HAL's
nearest Doctor Who relatives are The Robots of Death, the art-deco
androids whose blank stares, implacable strength, and bland, pleasant
voices seem only too likely to drive people like Taren Capel or Poul mad.
As humorous as was D84's plaintive "I have failed," there is a world of
unutterable horror implied when V6 answers Toos' hysterical "What do you
want!?" with the oh-so-reasonable, "To kill you."
- Chief Clown, The Greatest Show in the Galaxy.
Now here was a villain worth remembering, a sadistic task-master who is as
much a victim of circumstance as everyone else in the Circus. Ian
Reddington's hoarse, whispery voice, implying desperation and cruelty at
once, has haunted me to this day. "Last chance, Deadbeat" The Chief
Clown's menace is tinged with the regret of an artistic genius now simply
working to survive, a formerly noble character debasing himself in
exchange for petty powers. Imagine if Reddington had played the Joker
instead of Jack Nicholson, and you'll imagine a much creepier film. (In
all the discussions of this story I have read which draw the Circus /
Who parallel, none have realized that the Clown must stand-in for
John Nathan-Turner himself - the artistic director who's been chained to
the same 'circus' so long it's destroying him.) "Let ME entertain you..."
- Sil, Vengance on Varos / Mindwarp. Ah, Sil. His memorable voice, though
assisted by electronic processing, was the result of Nabil Shabin's
wonderful delivery. Shifting between fawning and petulance and a
self-satisfied gurgle, Shabin gave Sil a truly unique vocal style. Plus,
his French-tinged Turkish accent added a variety of inflections and
pronunciation quirks that made him sound convincingly alien. It's a pity
that his make-up couldn't have been as good in Varos
as it was in the inferior (though still enjoyable), Mindwarp.
- The Krotons. A mediocre story with truly bizarre monsters, the
Krotons always struck me as having very distinctive voices, like rusty
pipes. Good old Roy Skelton again.
- Davros / Nyder, Genesis of the Daleks. These
two were such a double-act, and both with such distinctive voices, I had
to mention them together. Davros, of course, brought a reasoned
intelligence to the Daleks' monotonous rantings. Michael Wisher's
portrayal was suffused with a contempt for life stemming from an
overarching arrogance and a sterile, scientific world-view with no room
for sentiment. Peter Miles' Nyder was the perfect henchman, with his
beady eyes, nasal inflections and dry delivery. It's a pity they didn't
resurrect him, too, to play Smithers to Davros' Mr. Burns.
Ten Best Cliffhangers by Martin Stone
(Please note that I am leaving out "regeneration" cliffhangers,
as their inclusion is such a fait accompli.)
- An Unearthly Child, Episode One. The first and
the best. The Doctor has made good his promise of time travel, and in a
swirl of electronic interference patterns, the TARDIS appears on some
bleak tundra. A shadow falls across the ground - the shadow of what?
Certainly enough to make me want to see what happens next week!
- Revelation of the Daleks, Episode One. In an
insane temporal paradox worthy of Rod Serling, the Doctor is seemingly
crushed to death under his own tombstone. A real mind-bender, memorable
not so much for the danger (since we all know he'll get out of it) but for
the audacious exploitation of the series' time-travel format.
- The Deadly Assassin, Episode One. After a
magnificent build-up in the baroque, claustrophobic corridors of
Gallifrey, the Doctor seemingly shoots the President. Is he mad? Did he
do it accidentally? Will Jack Ruby be coming after him shortly? Find out
in next week's exciting episode!
- The Caves of Androzani, Episode One. This story
has three amazing cliffhangers (pity about that rubber creature!).
However, top honors must go to Episode One's firing-squad cliffhanger.
Graeme Harper creates such a doom-laden atmosphere that it's impossible to
shake the finality of the scene. We know the Doctor is going to
regenerate in this story, could this be it? Leave it to good Mr. Holmes
to keep us guessing to the very end.
- The Daleks, Episode One. Probably the most
famous of all cliffhangers. From the very beginning, Doctor Who's
creativity shines through - the Dalek props weren't finished yet, so
Barbara is menaced by a sink plunger from the Dalek's point-of-view.
Excellent.
- The Mind Robber, Episode One. The TARDIS is
destroyed! Jamie and Zoe spin away on the console to who-knows-what
terrible fate! And the Doctor seems comatose or worse - posessed. Zoe's
scream echoes as they disappear into the mist...roll credits.
Incredible.
- The Leisure Hive, Episode One. As the capper to
this stylish and enjoyable episode, the Doctor is seemingly torn
limb-from-limb by the Tachyon Generator. One of the things that struck me
when I first saw this was the sudden zoom-in to his gaping mouth and the
way his scream echoed into the end credit music.
- Tomb of the Cybermen, Episode Two. "You belong
to us!You will be like us!" Very creepy.
- The Ark, Episode Two. I recently saw this for
the first time and was very impressed. The much-maligned Monoids'
costumes were quite inventive, I thought, and the cliffhanger where the
Doctor, Stephen, and Dodo return to the Ark to find the colossal human
statue has had its head replaced with that of a Monoid is truly creepy,
implying much but revealing nothing.
- City of Death, Episode One. Come on, you know
you love it!
My Personal Top Ten by Gareth Evans
6/3/01
- The Deadly Assassin
A brilliant story. Brilliantly acted, designed, directed and written. The
highlights are the scary matrix scenes that have you at the edge of your
seat. Absolutely flawless.
- The Caves Of Androzani
Almost the best. Fastly paced, brilliantly acted, written and designed with
brilliant cliffhangers to episodes one and three. Only let down, that awful
looking magma monster.
- The Seeds Of Doom
A fun story with admirable mood changes, swinging from a light-hearted
atmosphere to a dark scary one all the time. Tony Beckley and John Challis
are particularly admirable.
- The Mind Of Evil
Plays like an action film but also with darker, scarier concepts. The master
is at his best and the only story where Jo Grant is actually likeable.
- City Of Death
Despite my taste for dark, scary stories this is one lighthearted adventure
that I like due to its brilliant wit, acting and special effects and
direction.
- The Curse Of Fenric
A dark, scary story with many chilling scenes, especially when Dr Judson
kills Nurse Crane. The only grudge is the Ancient Haemoveres mouthpiece that
doesn't work until it talks to the doctor.
- Revelation Of The Daleks
A violent, scary story. Colin Baker's only real classic, it has brilliant
wit and an atmosphere of grotesque horror. The only let-downs are the
irritating DJ and the scenes between him and Peri.
- The Robots Of Death
A stylish, scary story with the creepy robots and a brilliant music score by
Dudley Simpson.
- The Brain Of Morbius
Not very scary (apart from the ending when Condo gets wounded and eventually
killed) but very fun.
- Inferno
An original story and quite frightening, apoart from the Primords.
Top 10 pieces of advice for fans venturing into post TV Doctor Who
Fiction by Norman Dewhirst
15/3/01
Some of us seem to forget that a good many fans are only familiar with
the
TV incarnation of Who. Here are my top ten pieces of advice for
fans
venturing into post TV Who.
- In 1997 a book called Alien Bodies was
released. Buy it, it is amongst
the best of The Doctor's adventures. This is what you dream a post TV film
series could be like.
- In 2000 Big Finnish Productions released an audio play called The Holy
Terror. This must be the best 6th Doctor story of all time coming into
my
top ten of all time Who.
- For those of you unsure of treading into this area of Who look
for
adventures with the words Mark Gatis, Gareth Roberts and Gary Russell.
- Avoid adventures with the following names as they are utter rubish.
Michael Collier and Paul Anghelides (or as he is known in certain circles
Mr 20%).
- The 5th Doctor is either hard to write for or hard to characterise,
he
has had the most disapointing adventures. However read the following for 5th
Doctor fans Goth Opera, The Sands Of
Time, Cold Fusion, The
Ultimate
Treasure and hear Phantasmagoria and Winter For The Adept for very good
performances from Peter.
- Now in 1997 a Second Doctor book was written which introduced The
Master, called The Dark Path.
It is amongst the best adventures and a perfect intro for The Master.
- For those of you who like a laugh and enjoy the 3rd Doctor read
Verdigris, also other Paul Magrs adventures for a
good view on the history
of the programme.
- The following are the most consistent Who writers and always worth a
read
or hear. Paul Cornel, Christopher Bulis, Steve Lyons, David Mcintee, Terance
Dicks.
- Old enemies do reapear now and again. Cybermen and Ice Warrior
stories
are consistently good and worth a read if you want old monsters. Sadly
no-one's brought back Sil yet.
- Be warned in the books the 7th Doctor became a bit of a misery guts
but
there are plenty of stories in there by people who ignored this. Examples of
this less suicidal doctor are The Also People and
Happy Endings.
My Top Ten by Aly Winford
22/3/01
This is going to be controversial, but here goes...
- The Caves Of Androzani
Just wonderful. Not only does it have the best cliffhangers in the series
history (Two and One, in descending numerical order), it has the best single
episode ever (Part four) the best acted villian (Jek, of course), arguably
the finest performance given by any lead actor, previously and beyond, and
is, in my opinion, the best directed piece of Doctor Who ever
(Graeme Harper)
In short, this is not just the best Doctor Who story ever made, it
is an
extraordinary piece of Science Fiction, and can stand up against any other
challenge, story wise, from that genre.
- The Invasion
I always wonder why there are people out there who dislike this, because any
accusation that it is boring is just plain wrong.
The atmosphere is superb, and this is thanks to the almost unprecedented
score given to the story by Don Harper (Only The Sea
Devils rates higher in
that department in my book).
Tobias Vaughn is wonderfully brought to the screen, thanks to Kevin Stoneys'
magnificent acting, and I feel that Troughton was never better than in this
story.
A tip for you fans out there - get the reconstruction of episodes one and
four from one of the dubsites. Episode one is essentially character
development, and so, although still being very good, is not particularly
essential.
Episode four, however, is wonderful, and for the fans out there lucky enough
to own the video release, this will make you wonder just why the BBC decided
to include shoddy, twenty second links to fill in the gaps.
- The Ambassadors Of Death
Now here is a story which nobody ever seems to put into any top ten (On this
page at least).
And that, in my opinion, is inexcusable. The BBC's attitude towards this
story is equally so, especially as it is Pertwees best.
The sequences involving the alien ambassadors are haunting, and Dudley
Simpson's surreal, electronic-ish score that accompanies these scenes is
no less effective.
On the one occasion that we get to see one of the ambassadors faces, the
moment is genuinely frightening.
Liz is advanced upon by three of the aliens, one of which reaches up to his
helmet...
We only get to see the face for a split second, but the make up is just
wonderful...hideously deformed and crawling with maggots, the ambassadors
must be a candidate for the best realised monsters showcased in the series.
Pertwee is superb, but the real star here is General Carrington,
outstandingly portrayed by John Abineri.
- Talons Of Weng Chiang
Atmospheric, wonderfully acted and directed, The Talons
Of Weng Chiang is surely Baker's best. (Not too many people would
disagree with that, I think)
Marvellously filmed, the location work is so convincing that it would pass
in any big budget dramatic production, the mist filled streets provide a
perfect setting for the "abduction, murder etc." scenario, and Michael Spice
is brilliant. Magnus Greel is interesting, although not characterised as
well or as well developed as other lead villains (Sorry - Nobody, but
NOBODY can ever touch
Christpoher Gables' stunning portayal of Jek). The giant rats are very well
done at first (Real rats in a miniture sewer), but the later creatures are
just appalling (Someone running around in a furry suit).
Sorry, I've been being too critical again, haven't I?
In short, this is brilliant.
- Inferno
I just love the parallel Earth setting (All of the fascists there are
wonderfully portrayed, notably the Brigade Leader and Section Leader
Elizabeth Shaw), and the stark location work for the scenes set on the high
metal walkways is excellent.
That incidental music is so unnerving - an unrelenting metallic drum beat,
and although the Pimords aren't particularly brilliant in any sense of the
word, they still make for some frightening viewing, notably when the Doctor
catches up with Private Wyatt.
The cliffhanger to part six is an all time classic (Everyone's about to get
melted), and Stahlaman is pretty good, although a little over rated (Keith
Gold and Sutton are better).
Superbly acted throughout, excellent overall.
- The Sea Devils
One of the first stories I ever saw, so pangs of nostalgia accompany any
contemporary viewing of this.
Certain scenes just stick in the mind, the stock footage, the Sea Devils
succumbing to the disabling signal and the Doctor grabbing a bite to eat in
the middle of the sword fight with the Master. Brilliance.
The design of the villians themselves is great, although (Please don't punch
me) I prefer those seen in Warriors Of The Deep.
Sorry.
- Terror of the Autons
Not as scary as some may claim, but creepy and effective throughout.
One can genuinely understand how this was interpreted as terrifying by the
audience at the time, and that scene with the Auton in the safe is a classic
moment. The cliffhanger to part two's notoriety tends to obscure the fact
that it really isn't very good, as we know exactly who the policemen are as
soon as they start acting strangely (We have known that the Autons are
involved virtually right from the start), and the monsters are not as well
realised as in their debut outing.
Oh, and the doll is not half as bad as it is made out to be, I think it's
really well done. (Exactly the same technique was used for the cliffhanger
to part three of the terrible Green Death, with no
such criticism from fans. The prosecution rests.)
- Remembrance Of The Daleks
The feel of the 60s' is brilliantly recreated, and the wonderfully designed
Imperial Daleks are probably the best "Tin plated pepperpots" seen in the
series.
The subplot of racial hatred is subtle, not intruding on the (Considerable)
action scenes, although still movingly apparent (That magical moment in the
cafe is spine tingling), and the cliffhangers to parts one and two are just
superb (Always a reliable equation - great cliffhangers = great story).
The best Dalek story. Says a lot, doesn't it?
- Terror of the Zygons
OK, lets get a few things straight. To claim that you do not like a
Doctor
Who story because of a bad special effect implies that you really
don't like
the series at all. Got it?
I can't defend the Skarasen, but what nobody can argue is that the Zygon
costumes are just stunning.
The cliffhanger to part one is the scariest moment ever in Who
(Disagree?
Well, name me a more scary scene, then? The Myrka?), and I feel that the
Brigadier was never better than here.
The Scottish setting is undeniably atmospheric (The scene in the barn
springs to mind), and the model work of the Zygon craft is great.
Still want to disagree because of the Skarasen? If so, E-Mail me and we'll
argue some more.
- City Of Death
Only in Nimon was humour better utilised.
Julian Glover plays Scarlioni brilliantly (that scene about selling a
Guttenberg bible discreetly had me rolling around on the floor laughing),
and even Duggan is great. The cliffhanger to part one (Everybody likes that,
don't you?) I love, and Dudley Simpsons' score is fantastic.
Even John Cleese is in it, for christs sake!
There you have it.
But to get a better idea of my favourite stories, here's 11 - 20:
11) Trial Of A Timelord
12) Genesis Of The Daleks
13) Tomb Of The Cybermen
14) Curse Of Fenric
15) Spearhead From Space
16) Survival
17) Deady Assassin
18) The Daemons
19) Resurection Of The Daleks
20) Vengeance On Varos
My Top 10 Favourite Big Finish Stories by Robert Thomas
5/4/01
Remember this is based on the stories up to Sword Of
Orion except The
Land Of The Dead which I haven't heared yet.
10. The Marian Conspiracy - A lovely fun little
story with a good
introduction for Evelyn and a 6th Doctor played the way Colin wanted.
9. The Sirens Of Time - I love this story alone
just for being able to
hear the Doctors after so long and their interplay is great.
8. Phantasmagoria - Perfect recreation of the 5th
Doctor era. Great
story, the most perfect romp you could imagine, a great performance by
the regulars.
7. Storm Warning - Good story for McGann and
good introduction for
Charley. A nice little story plotted well.
6. Whispers Of Terror - Original ideas and a
setting which brings the
story to light. Justin Richards at his best.
5. Winter For The Adept - A story best described
as fun. Great Doctor,
great Nyssa great performance by India Fisher who steals the show in all
her scenes. Bit of a flawed ending but having Andrew Cartmel the 7th
Doctor expert write a 5th Doctor story adds to the 5th Doctor's style.
4. The Fearmonger - All I can say is this could
be a sound track of a
lost season 27 story. Perfect except for the DJ.
3. The Genocide Machine - Fantastic story and
good characters, with the
regulars putting in great performances. Even better The Daleks are in it.
Mike Tucker handles the change from book to audio with ease.
2. The Shadow Of The Scourge - It is labeled as
a side step but it's a
step in the right directions. Easily one of the best NA's, a fantastic
story which has a more profound affect than the average Who story.
Fantastic Bernice and Sylvestor puts in a performance to epitomise the NA
7th Doctor. Scenes set in the Doctor's brain are pure class.
1. The Holy Terror - Not only the best audio but
my sister's new favourite
story, and at the top of my list. A class perfromance from all concerned
and Colin's best performance. A true classic.
Top Ten Doctor Who Spin-Offs by Stuart Gutteridge
26/4/01
They`ve formed an integral part of the Doctor Who Universe to a
greater
or lesser degree, and are just as enjoyable as the real thing.
- PROBE: Unnatural Selection. The take on the
X-Files is
clever, the plot
engaging and it gives the supporting cast (notably Louise Jameson and
Geoffrey Beevers) a chance to take centre stage
- Guests For The Night. It`s light-hearted
enough not to be taken too
seriously, Sophie and Sylvester shine and more importantly it has
atmosphere
- K-9 And Company: A Girl`s Best Friend. The opening
titles are
ridiculous, Sarah is frumpy and Brendon a sap, but this is part of its
charm. Best of all it has Mary Wimbush in it as the wonderful Aunt Lavinia
- Whatever Happened To Susan Foreman? Largely
for the comedy
element, whilst not entirely plausible is certainly enjoyable
- Auton: Sentinel. For giving fresh life to a
popular enemy. Reinvention is
the key word here as Lockwood and Natasha Alexander continue to grow
- The Curse Of Fatal Death. If you don`t believe
in continuity, then this
suits. Even if you do it's great being both affectionate and funny
- PROBE: The Devil Of Winterborne. A great
performance from Peter Davison
with a great story to match
- Dimensions In Time. Again ignore the
continuity, and remember it was for
charity. Tom Baker clearly did. It might not have made much sense, but it
was okay for two seven minute episodes
- Downtime. Old companions unite against an old
enemy. Great location work
and the completion of the Yeti Trilogy
- Wartime. At last Benton gets a character
development overhaul. Haunting
music and location work help greatly
The Top Eight Story Arcs in Doctor Who by Alan Thomas
30/4/01
8. The Trial Of A Timelord
Sheer dullness prevents it from being anywhere further up.
7. Frontier In Space/Planet
Of The Daleks
The latter has virtually nothing in common with the former, but
entertaining.
6. Resurrection Of The Daleks/Planet Of Fire/The Caves Of
Androzani/
The
Twin Dilemma
Varying degrees of entertainment, but a fascinating insight into the
changes
that took place. No character in the first is present in the last.
5. The Key To Time Season
It's not as good as some think, but it's entertaining overall.
4. Survival/Dimensions In
Time/Enemy Within/The Curse
Of Fatal Death
Not linked at all, really. But they show the stages that the series took
toward the end.
3. The Guardian Trilogy
Nicely different idea, with some great characterisation for Turlough.
2. The E-Space Trilogy
Wonderful. A great introduction for Adric and a fantastic exit for
RomanaII
and K9II.
1. The Return Of The Master Trilogy
Lots of change, great stories, great regeneration.
The Top Ten Target Novelisations by Graham Keeling
2/5/01
I am listing my top ten Target novelisations as they were the things
that
made me a Doctor Who fan in the first place, and also because I
don't think
anyone else has done this yet.
I have made my decisions on the basis of my long-term 'feeling' about each
book, as I haven't read any of the Target series for quite a while.
Doctor Who and the Planet of the Daleks by Terrance Dicks
For being the first Who book I ever read and instantly getting me
hooked. There are occasional links to past stories, such as the mention of
Ian, Barbara and Susan, and the way the book begins with the Doctor
unconscious - as well as a link to a future story with the TARDIS returning
to Earth at the end of the book. These begged me to read more of the series.
This book is to blame for everything.
Doctor Who and the Daleks by David Whitaker
For being the most stylish and original Who novel. The
first and
best. You get a real feeling of being there with the first person persona of
Ian Chesterton. I also have the Armada books version, with has different
internal illustrations, which are equally as good as the Target ones.
Doctor Who and the Cybermen by Gerry Davis
The first Cyberman novel. Well written and evocative.This novel
really made the Cybermen seem frightening. The imagination runs wild and
the illustrations are cool!
Doctor Who and the Terror of the Autons by Terrance Dicks
The second cover with the octopus/squid/crab Nestene was the best
in
the entire range I was quite disappointed when it didn't make an appearance
when I saw the TV original. Good Terrance Dicks content, too!
Doctor Who and the Ark in Space by Ian Marter
More horrifically graphic than the series could ever be. Ian
Marter's best. The Sontaran Experiment was great, too. Ian Marter
never
shies away from detailed descriptions of gore. Which is nice.
Doctor Who - Remembrance of the Daleks by Ben Aaronovitch
Intelligently written, can be seen as being a step towards the
N/As.
Great background on the Doctor. The two things that stick clearly in my mind
nearly ten years since reading it are Davros coming round after his
operation and being given the choice to live or die and the view of the
universe through the eyes of 'The Abomination'.
Doctor Who and the Auton Invasion by Terrance Dicks
Great story with brilliant baddies and the final showdown remains
fresh in my imagination to this day. Although the TV's Autons weapon design
is very effective, I liked these Autons whose whole hands fall away to
reveal a barrel. I still get nervous in department stores to this day.
Doctor Who - The Edge of Destruction by Nigel Robinson
This novel fascinated me when I was at Primary School. I'd always
been interested in finding more out about the TARDIS interior, and this
story lets us in there.
Doctor Who and the Pyramids of Mars by Terrance Dicks
I first got the hardback version of this book out from the local
library. I can clearly remember the look and feel (and smell!) of it. Cool
cover and another Terrance Dicks success.
Doctor Who and the Cave Monsters by Malcolm Hulke
A Malcolm Hulkes novel had to be included in this list. Brilliant
story. Classic Malcolm Hulkes. Enough said.
Novels that didn't quite make the list:
Doctor Who and the Dalek Invasion of Earth by Terrance Dicks
Doctor Who - The Daleks' Masterplan - both parts by John Peel
Doctor Who and the Tenth Planet by Gerry Davis
Doctor Who - Fury From the Deep by Victor Pemberton
Doctor Who and the Daemons by Barry Letts
Doctor Who and the Day of the Daleks by Terrance Dicks
Doctor Who and the Sea-Devils by Malcolm Hulke
Doctor Who and the Time Warrior by Terrance Dicks
Doctor Who and the Deadly Assassin by Terrance Dicks
Doctor Who and the Warriors of the Deep by Terrance Dicks
Doctor Who - Earthshock by Ian Marter
Top 10(ish) Swearwords and/or insults in Dr Who by Aly Winford
5/5/01
Looking for a laugh on Saturday, I sat down to watch Invasion of the
Dinosaurs.
5 minutes in, I decided that the whole thing was just a little too painful
instead of fun for my liking, and so I did this:
Swearing (Or, as the case may be, lack of it) and the best insults in
Doctor
Who.
- From the wonderful Shakedown: 'You killed
him, you bastard! You killed
him you bastard! You bastard!" etc.
Ms Aldred gets hysterical. Although how she hoped to insult a clone
race
(The Sontarons) by claiming that their leader was illigitimate is a little
beyond me.
- Also from Shakedown: 'Stupid bitch! They'll
kill us all!'
Brian Croucher being tough.
- The TVM: 'Only kids believe that crap'
Yay! We finally get a swearword in the programme itself! You could
almost
hear Mary bloody Whitehouse raising hell at the BBC. Despite the fact that
they didn't make it. And that it wasn't broadcast on kids' TV. And it was
given a 12 certificate. And...
- Caves of Androzani: 'Bite, you
slut! Bite! Bite! Bite!'
I noticed this the other day - and I'm 99% sure that this is what
Stotz
yells at Krelper on the cliff - have a look for yourself!
- Also from Androzani: 'The spineless cretins...'
Morgus raises an eybrow and totally loses his self control.
- 'That jackanapes! All he ever does is cause trouble!' from Terror of
the Autons and:
'You have the mouth of a prattling jackanapes...' yet again from
Androzani
Somehow I feel that coming back from an almighty insult like that
would
be
quite hard (Sarcasm)...
- 'Scum!'
From City of Death, Horns of
Nimon and Mindwarp, although I'm sure it was
used elsewhere - I just can't put my finger on the story.
- 'You horrible man!'
Tegan, to the Master in Logopolis - this had me
creased up in laughter -
probably not the way I would go about insulting one of the greatest criminal
masterminds in the Galaxy...
- 'Rabbits!'
Not...
Top Ten Story Titles by Alex Keaton
14/5/01
Just for the record, there are 7 serials that have the word 'time' in
it.
17 one word titles. 6 serials titles that require some sort of
grammar (like an apostrophe or dash) and a hell of a lot which use the
word 'the' and 'of.' There are also more than 10 story's that have cool
titles and such story's that missed out on this top ten listing but made
the top twenty are; The Daemons, Image of the Fendahl, The Celestial
Toymaker, Snakedance, Silver
Nemesis, The Masque of Mandragora, Timelash,
Kinda, Enlightenment, Terror of the Zygons. Anyway, here are the ten
story title finalists which may sound cool, snazzy, or even unusual.
10. Four to Doomsday - Doesn't specifically state
whether it's four
episodes to doomsday?, perhaps four days until the ship arrives on
Earth?, four races on the ship? or even four visits by Monarch to
Earth? But it keeps you thinking as to what 'four' stands for.
9. State of Decay - All I can say is that it
sounds better than the
story's working title, The Wasting, and is fairly snazzy and cool
to
boot.
8. Terminus - I think it's quite clever how this
title fits in correct
tact to the meaning of the actual word 'Terminus' itself which means the
end journey of something. In context it would mean the possible Terminus
of the universe that can only be saved by the Doctor who is on the ship,
'Terminus' which has reached it's own Terminus long ago. Excellent!
7. Meglos - Sounds a lot like a car cleaning
liquid but a cool word
anyway.
6. Dragonfire - A cool title for a cool serial.
5. Mawdryn Undead - Space-agey and enthralling
(As I think Mike Morris
stated on his top ten story title list).
4. Ghost Light - A spooky and cool one.
3. The Talons of Weng-Chiang - This is a totally
cool one. Credit to Robert Holmes.
2. Arc of Infinity - I must admit I really like it
when the word
'infinity' is used in a story title and like it even more so here because
of it's 'space-agey' effectiveness.
1. The Deadly Assasin - It may not be
grammatically correct but it is
still so different and unusual that it just has to be number one.
The Top 10 Least Anticipated Doctor Who Spin-Offs by Daniel
Callahan
5/6/01
- Griffiths: Cook from the 21st Century A bit part from The
Enemy
of
the World becomes the lead in his own series, traveling to
different
kitchens in the future, showing his audience how to make recipes,
complaining about life, and nearly (but not quite) involved in
dangerous political and sexual imbroglios. Envisioned as a cross
between science-fiction and a hands-on cooking program, this spin-off
was apparently intended for the feeble-minded^Å a group the BBC often
confused with Doctor Who fans.
- Jago & Litefoot 2000 The BBC, of course, considered a
spin-off of
these delightful characters from The Talons of
Weng-Chiang. Less
widely known is that a British fan-group proposed a modernized series
in 1996 (inspired, in part, by Cracker no less!) Jago & Litefoot find
themselves transported to London in the year 2000 thanks to one of
the 13th Doctor's practical jokes, allowing the production company to
save a fortune on costumes and sets. Apparently a few scenes were
shot of the two intrepid Victorians bumbling through London, solving
crimes (not Internet related, obviously), but the money ran out,
leaving the project unfinished.
- Love, Romana A skinny replacement for the already
near-anorexic Lalla
Ward was to bum around Liverpool nightclubs and find excuses to take
off her clothes. Typical fanboy drivel.
- The Son of Doctor Who The late William Hartnell's idea of
playing his
own son almost came to light in 1999. Part spin-off, part parody,
Michael Vesp played Hartnell's identical (?) Time Lord son, complete
with line-fluffs and inconsequential ad-libs. The Daleks were to be
portrayed as motorized dust-bins who invaded a quarry.
- Lethbridge-Stewart: The Cromer Years Rumor has it Nicholas
Briggs
posited this one-off video during a particularly brutal piss-up.
- Glitzworld! From the original BBC paperwork.: "Hijinks and
laughs
follow Sabalom Glitz and Mel throughout the cosmos! Mel scolds Glitz
for slave-trading, and Glitz complains about Mel's screaming." Only
JNT seemed to take this idea seriously.
- Math with Adric Robo-Ham himself, Matthew Watercloset,
devised this
show for the under-sixes. It was intended to be taped live,
educational, and in front of an audience of 30 sugar-addicted
children. During the never-to-be-aired pilot, Watercloset is pestered
with such memorable questions as: "Didn't you die?" "Was Nyssa your
girlfriend?" "How many beans make five?" Eventually, Watercloset
walks off the set, never to return.
- Peri Unplugged After her stunning vocal performance on
"Doctor in
Distress", someone at the BBC suggested that Nicola Bryant attempt an
album. Obviously, the individual was tone-deaf.
- The Gnufighters What began as a typo became the trumped-up
plan for a
series based on The Gunfighters. In a near
hallucinogenic scenario,
Gnus from outer space invade the Western town of Tombstone, and the
Doctor, Wyatt Earpp, Doc Holiday, and friends must outwit and defeat
those pesky gnus. This production may have been an April Fool's hoax,
although the BBC received many letters about the program complaining
that it wasn't as good as Doctor Who in its heyday.
- Tom Baker Gets Drunk A reality program where a hidden camera
follows
Tom Baker on his latest drinking binges. Don't ask!
Ten Diamonds in the Rough by Rob Matthews
20/6/01
- The Valeyard
A great, if obvious, idea lost amidst a slew of crap. "Just a
minute! Did
you call him... the Doctor?" is one of the series' great spine-shivering
moments.
- The Time Lords destroy Earth
The other good idea lost in that mess. It's frequently been referred
to as
some kind of alternate-dimension Earth or something (which is as bad a
cop-out as killing off Peri only to reveal she's actually shacked up with
Brian Blessed), but was this actually stated on screen?
- Lady Peinefort
A well-acted villain thrown into a silly mix of returning baddies,
pointless
Nazis and superfluous nonsense. A less ambitious yarn with her as main
villain (perhaps teaming up with a dark new Meddling Monk) would have made a
much better anniversary story.
- The Draconians
Well, Frontier in Space isn't a bad story,
but the prominence of the
Draconians in the novels is well in excess of the time they spent on screen.
- The Variant Daleks
ie- John Peel's Spider, Strider and Marine Daleks.
I haven't read War of the Daleks as I think its
rewriting of TV continuity
is better left ignored, but a Dalek makeover is long overdue. A Dalek
doesn't have to be a pepperpot with sink plungers and baubles, and you'd
expect all kinds of variations for different environments. Take them off
John Peel and give them to Lawrence Miles, that's what I say. They'll be
flying around disguised as wasps or something in no time.
- The Rani
'A brilliant but sterile mind'. She's been referred to as a female
Master,
but that's not really fair. The Master is motivated by hate and conceit. The
Rani is an amoral scientist. Her stories were poor, but Kate O Mara played
the part superbly - a heartless old cow who became giddy as a schoolgirl
when her experiments came to fruition.
- The Doctor goes bonkers.
The Twin Dilemma is a story so hopeless and
garish that it actually makes me
feel physically sick, but invoking the Doctor's dark side was a good
idea. It was just done really badly. It perhaps would have succeeded in the
learning curve of the story was reversed - rather than running around
strangling Peri, the Doctor bounces back from his traumatic regeneration and
seems perfectly well. He's witty and wonderful good company for the rest of
the adventure, establishing a rapport with his companion and so on. And then
when he faces down the villian at the climax he displays a totally
unexpected propensity for violence. That way it would be shocking rather
than rushed and irritating.
- Sarah's departure in The Hand of Fear.
A nice, understated scene, but it's a shame it comes so randomly at
the end of a banal story.
- Susan's departure in Dalek Invasion of Earth
With a moving and tearful speech, the Doctor boots the ankle-twisting
pain
in the arse off his ship, and acts like he's doing her a favour. Whether by
accident or design, it adds a great deal of conflict and contradiction to
the Doctor's character. And after all these years it's the only thing that
stands out in this shoddy and overrated story.
- Mel and Ace in Dragonfire
Who'd have thought it? There's lovely chemistry here.
...And Ten Pieces of Coal
- The Coat.
Eighteen years later and we're still reeling from it. You'll note that
authors of the novels always feel obliged to either give us some kind of
psychological explanation or get him out of the damn thing. Or both.
- Toberman from Tomb of the Cybermen
Really, there's no excuse.
- The Balsa Wood from Revelation of the Daleks.
In a great scene laced with drama and black humour, Tasambeker stabs
Jobel
with a hypodermic needle. But it clearly lands in a small wardrobe stuffed
beneath his apron.
- 'I think it's high time women's lib was introduced to Draconia' from
Frontier in Space
Might have been a good line if it wasn't delivered like a reactionary joke.
- 'This Time Storm blew up from nowhere' from Dragonfire
I know it was finally explained in Curse of
Fenric, but remember how stupid it sounded at the time.
- The plot of Dragonfire
Memorable villain, magnificent music, and a story that makes no sense
at
all. Let's get this straight: It's taken Kane thousands of years to discover
a creature that the Doctor stumbles upon within half an hour of his arrival
on the planet? His jailers hid the key in his jail?
- 'Tremas'
Not the character, just the name. We all know how fond the Master is
of
coming up with magisterial pseudonyms, but for his victim to somehow
already have one is just daft.
- The Dalek Time Controller
Or is it a plasma globe, available from any branch of Argos?
- The Sink Plunger in Alien Bodies
The Doctor operates the Dalek ship with an actual sink plunger. It's
very
funny actually, but might just be a piss-take too far. I'd have assumed the
Dalek's plunger-like aoppendices carried electromagnetic charges or inputted
data into their control panels in some highly advanced way. But no. They
really are just sink plungers.
- The Rocket takes off in Revenge of the Cybermen
Only Ed Wood has used stock footage with such seamless precision.
Top Ten Completely Missing Doctor Who Adventures
by David Miano
17/8/01
Here are the Doctor Who episodes no longer in the archives that
we all
would love to see one day. Not a single episode from one of these
stories is in existence, as far as we know. I cannot rate them in the
usual fashion, because I've never seen them (and probably never will).
However, I do know which ones I'd like to see the most. If I could
choose which ones were to be recovered first, here is the top ten
(there are only ten anyway) in reverse order:
10. The Savages -- From what I hear, the story is
pretty boring.
9. Galaxy Four -- Some interesting ideas, fresh
for its day, but the
characters are rather uninteresting.
8. The Macra Terror -- A decent story with some
social comment, but nothing spectacular.
7. The Smugglers -- A great set of characters,
plenty of location
filming, and swashbuckling action.
6. The Massacre of St. Bartholomew's Eve -- Dark
atmosphere, great
music, and, best of all, William Hartnell plays both the hero and the
villain.
5. The Myth Makers -- An underappreciated story
in its time, this
adventure has a fascinating premise, a polished production, and a sense
of humour.
4. The Highlanders -- Not only Jamie's
introduction to the series, but
a great story with interesting characters, and Troughton is in fine
form.
3. The Power of the Daleks -- Well, I'm sure I
don't have to explain
that this is one of the most sought-after stories in the series. Who
would want to miss Patrick Troughton's debut?
2. Marco Polo -- Probably the best of all the
historical stories. One
of the greats.
1. Fury From the Deep -- A highly entertaining,
fear-inspiring story
with a fine cast and great direction. We also say goodbye to Victoria.
I'd be interested in seeing other opinions, for sure.
Ten Terrible Story Titles by Tim Roll-Pickering
19/8/01
(Any story titles are fair game, no matter how 'valid' they may be)
- The Ultimate Foe (Parts 9-12 of The Trial of a
Time Lord). According
to researchers this was the original commissioning title. Given that
this story is meant to be a run of the mill average monster story, what
on earth is 'Ultimate' about it?
- The Mutants (Serial NNN). Not so bad in itself
but this title had
already been used at the time of production for the first Dalek story
(and the DW Fan Club at least knew this at the time) and thus generating
a significant part of the endless arguments over the early story titles.
- Enemy Within. The only title given to the Paul
McGann TV movie by any
of the production team (admittedly after the event). And just what does
it refer to?
- The Greatest Show in the Galaxy. While the story
isn't a disaster, I
doubt there are many fans who would agree about the title's accuracy.
- The Aztecs. Forget the debate about the
'pointlessness' of replacing
the title An Unearthly Child with the 'less
effective' 100,000 BC
because it's happened before. Temple of Evil (the
title of the first
episode and thus the one given in guides which just use them such as the
Radio Times 10th Anniversary Special or the first edition of the
Programme Guide) sounds like an intriguing, mysterious story. The
Aztecs sounds like a story with some Aztecs in it. Which sounds
better?
- The Romans. Again a story with some Romans in
it. Unfortunately in
this case none of the other titles used since the 1970s (The Slave
Traders [the title of the first episode], The Roman
Empire [probably a
Jeremy Bentham invention]) is much better.
- The Dalek Invasion of Earth. By the time the
story starts, this has
already taken place.
- The Caves of Androzani. As the Doctor points out
at the start they're
not caves but blow-holes.
- Galaxy 4. Naming a story after the galaxy where
the characters come
from seems a little strange and, if applied consistently, would lead to
numerous stories called 'Milky Way'...
- Frontios. ...whilst the logic of calling a
story after the planet
it's set on would make most of them 'Earth'.
Oh and of course there are the old favourites for lists like this:
Doctor Who and the Silurians (he's not called Doctor
Who and the
creatures don't come from the Silurian period), Planet
of
the Daleks
(which isn't set on the Daleks' home planet), Death to
the Daleks (which
isn't one of the stories that sees the Daleks wiped out for good),
Resurrection of the Daleks (Davros is the one
resurrected), Revelation
of the Daleks (which doesn't have much of a revelation), Remembrance
of
the Daleks (they might as well have used R-word of the Daleks) and
others.
Top ten stories by Mark Irvin
28/8/01
- The Deadly Assassin
The somewhat surreal episode three - staged in the matrix, is quite
possibly one of the most unusual and greatest episodes in Doctor
Who
history.
- The Robots of Death
A good old fashion murder mystery, with some (dare I say evil!) looking
robots thrown in.
- Silver Nemesis
The Cybermen are back and more menacing than ever - the unforgettable
scene where they emerge from their ship to conduct a shootout with the
Nazis is an absolute classic. An underrated story.
- The Stones of Blood
I enjoyed the humour and unpredictability of this story. The Ogri are
definitely one of the most fearful monsters to appear on the show (Just
have a listen to that loud beating sound they make).
- Inferno
The parallel dimension is an interesting concept and the plot is well
paced for a 7 parter. I have often found Slow spots or episodes mar many
of the Pertwee adventures.
- City of Death
It was good to see the show filmed abroad with some quite memorable
characters - Tom Chadbon as Duggan, Julian Glover as the Scaroth and a
surprise cameo by John Cleese.
- The Seeds of Doom
An excellent idea to create a story with the action spilt between two
such vastly different locations - the Antarctic and Chase's mansion.
- Resurrection of the Daleks
A bloody and more serious adventure which was good for a change, after
all what should you really expect when the Daleks are involved. Oh, and
it was great to finally see the back of Tegan.
- The Seeds of Death
I enjoyed watching this one when it came out on video and Patrick
Troughton was simply wonderful as the doctor, so I thought I would have
to include at least one of his adventures.
- Attack of the Cybermen
As this story has gaping holes in the plot it was very lucky to sneak in.
However, the sub-plot on Telos involving two semi-cyber human prisoners
attacking a Cyberman to steal his head is a personal favourite. Colin
Baker starts to show some sorely missed class and character in the role
of the Doctor - after a somewhat bland (but still at
times likeable) Peter Davison.
Unlucky to miss out - The Caves of Androzani,
The Sun Makers, Earthshock,
The Tomb of the Cybermen, Pyramids
of Mars and The Curse of Fenric.
My top ten lists by Patrick Daugherty
The Best First Doctor Stories (in my opinion)
- Venusian Lullaby
- The Celestial Toymaker
- The Daleks' Master Plan
- The Gunfighters (I happen to like this one!)
- The Smugglers
- Marco Polo
- The Witch Hunters
- The Space Museum
- The Tenth Planet
- Inside the Spaceship
The Best Companions
- Frobisher (my all-time favorite)
- Zoe Harriet
- Fitz Kreiner
- Steven Taylor
- Liz Shaw
- Sara Kingdom (brief yet brilliant)
- Ace
- Peri Brown
- Jamie McCrimmon
- Leela
The Worst Companions
- Sam Jones (she bugs me)
- Jo Grant
- Victoria Waterfield
- Melanie Bush
- Adric
- Polly
- Kamelion
- Harry Sullivan
- Ben Jackson
- Roz Forrester
The Best Sixth Doctor Stories (in my opinion)
- The Holy Terror
- The Trial of a Time Lord (all 4 stories)
- Voyager (comic)
- Attack of the Cybermen
- The Marian Conspiracy
- Vengeance on Varos
- Millennial Rites
- The Mark of the Rani
- The Two Doctors
- Once Upon a Time Lord (comic)
Ten Pieces of Advice I'd Give to Anyone Starting the EDAs by
Ed Swatland
10. Avoid the first book, The Eight Doctors, not
only do you not actually
need to read it, but it is in fact a fan-wankish nightmare where numerous
NA's are retconned (namely First Frontier), and above
all a certain
companion called Sam is introduced. She will go on to be the most hated
companion next to Adric...
9. Whatever you do, DON'T read an EDA by Collier (fans call his first
offering Dullest Day for a reason you know), Peel and
Russell.
8. The first rad EDA is called Alien Bodies, by
Lawrence Miles.
Everything except me loves it, so take their word rather than mine, and
read it.
7. Avoid any EDA you can with Sam Jones in. She's a whiny stereotype,
who
supports Greenpeace and was made immortal in Jim Mortimore's Beltempest.
Thanks Jim.
6. Don't read any EDA's from 1998 unless they are called Seeing I and The
Scarlet Empress.
5. Fitz is a great companion introduced in The
Taint by Collier. It's
better than Longest Day, and is followed by the
pretty decent Demontage,
Revolution Man and Dominion... and then the rot sets in again with
Unnatural History. Read the four decent ones and
scrap Unnatural History:
a disaterous attempt at different authors attemping to do their own
twist on Faction Paradox. It also has two Sams in it. Nuff said.
4. If you're a masochist, do not read Interference
I
& II by Lawrence
Miles. It is in fact an important book and pretty much the book you need
to read. I hated it, so well... you decide.
3. Here are some pre-The Burning books that you
shoud read. The Shadows
of Avalon, Coldheart, The
Banquo Legacy (and because it's pretty
important) The Ancestor Cell.
2. READ THE TRAPPED ON EARTH ARC!!!!! All the
books in it are fab (apart
from Escape Velocity). They are a bold attempt at
something different and
return the Doctor to his rootes if you like. If not, then at least give
The Burning a try.
1. Read everything after the Earth Arc. Not only
are they all great, but
shows what an improvement the books have gone through...
The Top Ten Sci-Fi Movies Doctor Who Fans Should Watch by Martin
Gardner
6/10/01
- Them!
A thoroughly engaging and thought-provoking movie about, well, giant ants.
Doctor Meredith and his daughter could easily be the third doctor and Liz Shaw.
The ants, mutated by atomic testing(!!), are very realistic and their designer
has made good use of the shadows that black and white film produce.
- The Day The Earth Stood Still
One of the best. The message may be out-dated but it's great. 'Nuff said.
- Village of the Damned
The original black and white version of this movie could easily fit straight
into the Pertwee era as the style, direction and type of plot are markedly
similar (and The Daemons nicked the idea of the
invisible sphere isolating a
small town). It would have been great if John Wyndham had written for
Dr Who.
As for the 90s version of this movie, you would get far more enjoyment watching
Time and the Rani seventeen times in one sitting.
- The Thing (From Another World)
This is very much a Who-like storyline. A terrible alien is
beseiging an arctic
base, the occupants of which are divided into two camps: those who want to
study the alien and those who want it destroyed. In true Who style,
the plot
revolves around the disputes between these two camps, rather than the alien
itself.
- Planet of the Apes
The original, not the recent ghastly remake. Raises some important questions
about how our civilisation is run and where it is going, as well as our
treatment of animals. Wouldn't be out of place in season seven of
Who.
- Back to the Future
I didn't put this movie in as a joke. This is sci-fi family viewing, in
the
same vein as Dr Who. Christopher Lloyd was born to play Doc Brown.
I wonder
what he'd be like as the Doctor?
- Gattaca
A rarity these days - a sci-fi movie that doesn't rely on flashes and
bangs to
carry it. Who never relied on those things either (well, maybe the
1996 movie
did a bit, but, gee, let's face it, at least it took some attention away
from the script).
- The Matrix
- Alien
Everyone's probably seen this anyway, but if you haven't, go rent it
right now.
NOW!
- Mad Max 2 - The Road Warrior
Very different from Dr Who in tone, style and the amount of
violence... but I
think there are many parallels between Max and the way in which the Doctor is
portrayed in several stories. The loner, at first reluctant to help other
people... and if I point out any more parallels I may give away some plot.
Maybe
there aren't any parallels and I am just crazy.
Top Ten Covers by Richard Radcliffe
18/10/01
Over the last year one of the major delights of having access to the
Web
has been the masses of Doctor Who brilliant Websites. One of the
best is
Outpost Gallifrey. It is wonderful
to see the new covers of all the
books, audios, videos and other DW merchandise months before they
hit the
shops. The sense of anticipation becomes that much more acute upon seeing
these covers.
The latest Book releases, Psience Fiction and
City of the Dead, got me
thinking about the covers in general – specifically that of new
Who
(the original novels and original audios, not novelizations or recordings
of existing TV stories). The latest releases emphasize the vast
improvement in covers that happened when BBC Books began. There has also
been a significant improvement in the Big Finish Audios since Jan 2001.
And so a list of my personal favourites.
10. Asylum The cathedral
background. The foreground of
Cross and Dagger. Medieval Whodunnit here there be.
9. The Burning Simple yet effective.
McGanns’ Doctor
against a backdrop of Fire.
8. Banquo Legacy Dark Turbulent skies,
superimposed by a terrifying Skull and Rat. Horror Who lies within.
7. Sands of Time Perfect renditions of 5th
Doctor and Tegan. The promise of a sequel to a Classic.
6. Bloodtide Capturing the
wonder of the sea. Slight glimpse of land promising remoteness.
5. Stones of Venice Richly ornate yet dark
cover, like Venice itself.
Old maps, paintbrushes, gothic architecture.
4. Grave Matter Tombstones opening,
misty landscapes. Enter
into secluded, atmospheric Who.
3. Father Time Pure and Bright. The
white Blanket perfectly
merging with the background snow. The Child longing for affection within
its folds.
2. City of the Dead Stunningly
effective. The greatest icon of
Dr Who – the TARDIS, in amongst the Crypts of a New Orleans
Cemetery.
1. Witchmark A magical contrast
between reality and
fantasy. Exactly what Doctor Who does better than anything else.
Top 10 Companions by Russell Gillenwater
- Bernice Summerfield
After finishing Love and War, Benny took over
the mantle of best
companion. For a character that never appeared on TV for me she was
amazing. I mean if a book character being so popular were easy then
there would be more like her (take Sam as an example how it doesn't
work). Everyone's favorite archaeologist is just the most rounded
and real companion the series has ever seen. It might be because she
was older (Benny is 30 at the time of Love and
War), and had some of
the same flaws as the rest of us. She's feisty, independent, likes
drinking (sometimes too much), is rather lazy like many of us and she
meshed so well with the Seventh Doctor (even more so than Ace). And a
tribute to Benny's enduring popularity as a character can be seen in
two book series of her own and her own line of audio adventures.
Whether it is Lisa Bownman's portrayal for Big Finish or her written
adventures Benny stands at the top of the companion list.
- Sarah Jane Smith
Growing up Sarah Jane was my favorite companion. She was in the
first
episode I ever watched (The Seeds of Doom) and
she was the companion
all others were measured by (I even had a crush on her in my early
teens). Over the years while my feelings for some companions have
changed, Sarah is still at the top of the list. Most of the credit
must go to Elisabeth Sladen whom did a wonderful job whether the
script was up to snuff or not. There is no doubt that on TV there was
never a better team than Sladen and Tom Baker. While in recent years
Sarah has been replaced at the top of the companion list by Benny, it
isn't by much. Furthermore, most of the novels she has been in have
just expanded the character (the older Sarah was by far the best
thing in the EDA Interference).
- Romana II
I thought Romana was ok when she first appeared with Mary Tamm in
the
role. However, when Lalla Ward took over with Destiny
of the Daleks,
Romana instantly became a favorite of mind. Ward and Baker worked
really well together and had some of the best chemistry seen in the
series. Another boost Romana got was when she left and the companions
that followed (Adric, Nyssa and Tegan) didn't quite measure up to
her, it made one appreciate Romana more. Since then her reappearance
in the NAs and EDAs only worked to strengthen her position as one of
the all-time best companions.
- Peri Brown
While opinions vary on Peri, I will just admit it I like her. Yes,
I
will admit that looks have something to do with it. Nicola Bryant is
arguably the best looking companion ever (so, when she was annoying
she was something to look at). However, I have come to like her
character. As Bryant grew as an actress so did the character of Peri.
The biggest drag on Peri was the scripts. If it was a good script
then Peri was good and if it wasn't she suffered. The writing for
her has varied in the books, but Peri best story maybe Bad Therapy,
which saw the return of a matured Peri.
- Ace
Ace is a character that moved up the companion with ever episode
she
appeared. It must be said that Ace was somewhat two-dimensional and
a stereotype of a teen of that time. But what made Ace work on TV was
Sophie Adler's chemistry with Sylvester McCoy. The tandem formed one
of the best in the shows history. This chemistry between Ace and the
Seventh Doctor was continued to the NA when Doctor Who moved
to
print. Ace peaked in what seemed to be her final adventure Love and
War. I will admit I wasn't too happy with the character when she
returned in the book Deceit. By this point I
really didn't think she
was too needed with Bernice being in the TARDIS. However, as writers
got a better handle on the "new" Ace, she the Doctor and Benny became
a great team.
- Chris Cwej
I rank Chris just slightly ahead of Roz, because we got to see his
character develop more in the Benny New Adventures. When I first
picked up Original Sin I wasn't sure about
"police officers" in the
TARDIS. But halfway through the book both Chris and Roz had won me
over. Both charters grew while with the Doctor. However, Chris really
took off in the Benny New Adventures and peaked in the excellent
story Dead Romance.
- Roz Forester
As pointed out above I had my doubts about Roz when she debuted in
Original Sin. However, from that book forward I
was won over. Roz
once again showed if a character is properly written they can have
much more depth than their TV counterparts. The sad thing about Roz
was that her best book, So Vile a Sin, was her
last.
- Nyssa
Originally, when I viewed the Fifth Doctor episodes I liked Tegan
better than Nyssa. It might be because Tegan just stood out more. But
as I have aged, my taste has changed and that is what happen with
Nyssa. I got a greater appreciated of her character on TV after
viewing the Davison episodes again. But it was in the books where
Nyssa truly outshines Tegan. In Goth Opera, Nyssa
was the strongest
companion and continued to be that in other books. Also, her
appearances with Davison in some of the Big Finish Audios have just
helped her place on the companion list.
- Liz Shaw
As with Nyssa, Liz Shaw wasn't my favorite Third Doctor companion.
While I still rank Sarah Jane ahead of her, over the years, Liz has
moved ahead of the "traditional" Pertwee companion, Jo Grant. While I
will admit the chemistry between Pertwee and Katy Manning's Jo was
better than Pertwee's with Carolina John's Liz, the original third
Doctor companion is just a better companion than Jo. Since the show,
Liz Shaw's portrayal in the books have only helped to point this out.
- (Tie) Zoe and Fitz
It was tough to decided who would be 10th, so I decided to just make it
a
split. Fitz is the best companion I have seen so far in the EDA's (I
haven't read the books with Anji yet, so I can't rate her). When used
well Fitz is a very strong character. Like Bernice he has a lot of the
flaws as the rest of us and add to that the events that happened to him
in Interference and Fitz's place on this list is
assured. As for Zoe, I
just like her, what else can I say.
To finish I had to add that Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart is also one my
favorite characters. While some might consider him a companion I don't -
The Brigadier is a special character and a classic of the series.
Ten Stupid/Awful Pieces of Doctor Who by Mark Irvin
1/11/01
- The pathetic attempt to pass off a rotating drum as the surface of
Voga in Revenge of the Cybermen.
- The worst shots in history - The guards in Happiness Patrol are so
incredibly inept that they can't shoot the Doctor in a buggy from the
impossible distance of 4 metres, not to mention their inability to "jog"
after the Doctor and apprehend him. (I suppose he was travelling at the
breakneck speed of 5km/per hour.)
- CSO involving the Whomobile flight in Planet of the
Spiders - so fake it almost defies belief.
- Us Australians will love (or hate?) this one. In Four to Doomsday,
Tegan is able to translate what the Aboriginal is saying for the Doctor.
Does anyone actually comprehend how incredibly unlikely this
is?! Extremely few modern day Aborigines actually know native tongue, let
alone some half-witted air hostess. Not to mention the coincidence
that even if she did know it - there are literally hundreds of different
regional types. However on the up side, it was very interesting to
see Aborigines in Doctor Who complete with Davison's reaction.
(Hey! There's something from Down Under, and the Doc played cricket for
N.S.W!)
- Carnival of Monsters - Poorely realised, tacky
effects, crap dialogue and to be frank - Downright embarrasing.
- The Vervoids...... Rubber flower men? Gee the old 1986 budget must
have
been pretty darn thin. Might have been passable alongside Tom Baker in
the 1975 story The Seeds of Doom.
- How about an appropriate rival for the Vervoids? - The Tractators
from Frontios - Need I say why? In fact I'd say
they're a hell of a lot worse.
- The Master holding the universe to ransom using the Pharos Project
and
a tape recorder in Logopolis. You couldn't tell
someone using a straight
face that the Master's plan is in the the slightest bit feasible.
Wouldn't it take thousands of years to reach anyone? In fact the Master
in general has always had a rather dodgy track record in the half-baked
plan department.
- Whilst pretty good in the earlier cliffhanger scene, the
Cybership from Silver Nemesis is decidedly "wobbly"
in the subsequent footage.
- Janet Fielding and her tenure as the 'Aussie' air hostess Tegan.
Makes me wish I was born in bloody New Zealand.
Hang on....... that might be taking things just a bit too far.
Top Twenty (Un-ironically) Scariest (TV) Stories by Graham
Pilato
15/11/01
Note: This is my first submission of anything at all review-ish to this
lovely site - I do a Top Ten first because Mike Morris made it look fun 'n'
cool. I'm going for easy scared-children crowd pleasing first... :) And
also because I recently saw Jeepers Creepers and some little reptilian part
of me is very zippy still from that twittery little spin round the
scares-block. Fun irony-soaked scare-lists willing to include the cardboard
clam-thing from Genesis of the Daleks or those
devilish Quarks
(death-spitting!) from The Dominators or the worry of
just plain losing
one's mind while watching/listening to The Underwater
Menace or even the
fact that The War Machines' WOTAN clearly really
knows that this is actually
a TV show and that he's fighting a tv character and that means that this
evil computer is really part of the real world and we're never gonna be safe
again can wait, yo.
(in chronological order)
- Fury from the Deep: Well, I haven't actually
seen this one, of course
(I'm 24), but I heard good things. The Misters Oak and Quill angle is pure
lovely 60s madness ilk of The Prisoner and The Avengers and 007 movies -
completely psychedelic/trippy and inexplicable - absolutely designed to
freak. The monsters here are far more creepy than the Doctor Who
60s usual
in an amorphous ellusiveness way instead of just plain "could be a man in a
suit" scary. The fact that this was present day and rather realistic in its
representation of a North Sea refinery also places this story way ahead of
the rest of the ancient 60s Doctor Who on the freak-o-meter. And
green
growing intelligent human-possessing gooey seaweed is far more inherently
scary (at least to me) than furry great backwards-flushing teddy bears in a
mostly abandoned London underground.
- The Silurians: Well, now I've cut out all of the
sixties stories but one
and left only one Pertwee story too... One may get the impression that I'm
not letting myself fall back to the standards of older generations of kids
hiding behind the sofa or something... Well, heck, I guess I'm not. More on
that in a second. This here's easily the creepiest story of the entire
series, though, see! And it's the seventh season hard action and more adult
sci-fi stuff here that's really effectively freaky. Never was Doctor
Who to
be as realistic again in its protrayal of the nasty things that may happen
to us if an aggressive alien race was to contend with our
top-of-the-food-chain status on earth. Our necessary reliance on the
closed-minded military and the empty-minded bureaucracies to handle the
great unknown is perhaps the scariest thing there is here - never to be as
well-illuminated again in the series as it was here. The
Geoffrey-Palmer-starred plague-in-London scenes are absolutely terrifying -
not only not outdated but especially scary in these days of bioterrorism.
Dr. Lawrence's mad, sick, dying lunge at the Brigadier is even, perhaps, the
single scariest moment in Doctor Who up to this point. But The Silurians is
marvellously creepy throughout, as we very gradually build the image in our
minds of a great, totally alien - and even superior - race that have always
been here on Earth, lurking underground - they could be anywhere there are
deep caves - not just in England...
- The Ark in Space: The cliffhanger of the second
episode here is so creepy
that it really just blasts the series into a whole new realm of sensation -
the "Gothic" of the Hinchcliffe/Holmes Era. Nevermind the silly appearances
of the adult Wirrn here in the last couple episodes - the grubs are plenty
freaky, the concept of the species is extremely freaky, and the immense
horror of Noah's transformation is like a great christening for the
Hinchcliffe/Holmes Era and its coming voyage through all places dark.
- Genesis of the Daleks: Yup. This is where
Doctor Who was really scary -
especially in the long view of likely future generations. The stories of
the mid-seventies were so sensationally spot-on with the horror genre and
with what it takes to make us really throw ourselves up over and behind the
old protective loveseat. This story is great evidence of that, actually,
despite its lack of freaky organic monsters one can easily imagine lurking
in the dark. The Daleks are classic monsters for one thing, anyway, but
this story makes them so much more threatening when you can see just how it
might make sense that someone would develop a method of existence like that,
for the sake of outliving this horrible apocalypse world on the screen that
we would certainly not be too far away from ourselves as children of the
Cold War and the superterrorism after it. Then, of course, there's Davros,
the perfect Dr. Who villain - a still vulnerable proto-Dalek who is
horrfyingly ugly and a brilliant scientist - doing his evil for very human
reasons: to preserve his species and find some kind of immortality...
Genesis is so sensationally pitched, paced, and
produced that it comes off
as a serious hard sci-fi white-knuckles horror movie when watched all at
once.
- Terror of the Zygons: "open this door..." you
hear whispered menacingly.
Tom Baker is right about the Zygons when he discusses them on The Tom Baker
Years video - those whisperin' aliens are freakier than the yellin' ones.
They're frightening because they aren't really even human-like at all beyond
the most minimal of attachments to the basic humanoid phyiscal form.
They're almost totally alien and, again, they've always been here
(practically). They're totally alien, they shapeshift, they abduct humans,
and they control a giant mostly unseen Loch Ness monster - that's a lotta
good sci-fi Scary Points. This was actually my first Doctor Who
monster to
tell myself "it's not gonna get me when I go to bed" about back when I was
eight... so I, at least, see the effectiveness here... still... a little...
on occasion...
- The Seeds of Doom: It puts you off wanting to
own house plants fairly
well. And then there's the gradual transformation of poor Arnold Keeler
into a writhing mass of paranoid green tentacles alongside Harrison Chase's
descent into homocidal plant-loving madness under the influence of the
Krynoid. I'd have picked this as the scariest Doctor Who story
ever, if
asked any time until I was about 18 and I saw The
Silurians yet again and
realized just how awesome a chiller that sucker was.
- The Robots of Death: Well, this is only truly
scary because it's such a
masterpiece of stylish presentation. This is The Caves
of Androzani
style-wise of the Hinchcliffe Era. Sure, the concept of the robot-dependent
culture facing a sudden insidious betrayal by its robots is thoroughly
creepy, but just watch this story alone in the dark and see what a masterful
creeper we have here. The synchronization of all the robots in movement and
their same soft unemotional-yet-cultured voices is so eerie you get put way
out of it - the uneasy creepy unnerving feeling that all this at-work
paradise is going straight to hell for these miners is there from the
beginning. D84's repeated "I heard a cry" followed by Tom's repeated "it
was me", SV7's repeated "kill the humans", and the great
hilarious/terrifying "please don't throw hands at me", said evenly and
unemotionally by a murderous robot to Toos, are all deeply inbedded in my
memory as great creepy lines to possibly hear in quiet superficially
unthreatening monotones in nightmares...
- Resurrection of the Daleks: Okay, so this is just
Eric Saward goin' nuts
here, but it certainly does the horror trick. The werid effects of the
Daleks' gas on humans is particularly nasty... let alone the fact that one
character smells something awful coming from her partner and then finds that
that smell was just his face and hands gradually sliding off! The fact that
it is also stated that there are Dalek replica imposters all over the planet
in important positions ready to destroy our civilization or something at any
given moment in the present day is pretty nasty too. Not to mention that
general atmosphere/reality of the gratuitous violence and nastiness
throughout this story - enough to reasonably make Tegan leave. More stories
like this could ruin a series... just one or two, if you can forgive the
greatest Dr. Who swiss cheese plot of all swiss cheese plots, is
actually
fine by me - because now Daleks could come sweeping down their Time Corridor
into industrial London anytime they want if you have the imagination to
fear/dig it.
- Revelation of the Daleks: speaking of. Saward
does it again here. This
time there's a man becoming a Dalek before our very eyes, screaming to his
own daughter to shoot him as he is taken over more and more. There's that.
And then there's that Saward atmosphere of horror and inescapable grim death
throughout... except this time it's directed so well and there's such a huge
array of grim subplots and marvelously dark and anti-hero-y
6th-Doctor-Era-only supporting characters that it's easy to forget that
these Daleks are even supposed to be a threat... If the title had been
different - something like "Necros" or "The Great Healer" - this wouldn't
even have been an issue, though; the Daleks would have been neat/nasty icing
on the cake. This is Doctor Who scary because it is just too
mature on the
horror front to even be about individual monsters or even classic ones; the
tone itself is the main creeper (a main feature of all the best/scariest in
Who).
- The Curse of Fenric: Evil from the dawn of time
makes itself a big
player in the Doctor Who universe, setting a great tone for the NAs
to
follow. Fenric is pretty darn scary himself. Nevermind the fact that some
heaving great soggy blue vampires come lunging into the windows and doors of
a great old fortress of a church. "Could I be a wolf of Fenric too?" you
ask as a child. (Gosh...) Then you, as an adult, get freaked out about not
being able to have enough faith in your great and meaningful symbols...
would you be able to stop thems Haemorvores? British bombs falling on
German children...
(I'm attempting overachievement or something... I just couldn't stop
the
fun...)
Runners-up (#s 11-20):
- 100,000 BC / The Tribe of Gum / An Unearthly Child /
Cavemen Thingy:
Considering the mindset of the unsuspecting audience, this really is some
intense stuff. The somewhat realistic portrayal of some totally uncivilized
and desperate cavepeople with their very small minds and holding very hard
stones in caves full of skulls and two modern schoolteachers and two totally
unknown quantities in the untrustworthy Doctor and strange Susan is quite
... um ... chilling here, yo.
- The Daleks: Okay, the first appearance of the
Daleks is pretty damn
effective - you have to admit. And it's not just that great cliffhanger at
the end of the first episode or the whole weirdness of Daleks, period; it's
more than that. It's Terry Nation's truly alien world here, except for the
Thals. The story is packed with great threatening/exciting atmosphere -
from the petrified forest to the metal lizardthing to the sterile and
mysterious Dalek city itself to the postapocalyptic setting to the extended
ordeal of Ian and Barbara's team as they journey to break in to the Dalek
city from underneath.
- Tomb of the Cybermen: This is easily the peak of
60s Cybermen scariness.
The sheer indomitability seen here of these silver giants is plenty
breathstopping, but the introduction of the plague-carrying-rat-like
cybermats and (Toberman's) Cyber-izing here is really intense. The fact
that the whole perfection of the human form in strength and reasoning is
represented so explicitly here by the Cybermen is probably the scariest
thing - it's tantalizing like vampires - you guiltily wonder if it wouldn't
be nice to be an indomitable Cyberman for a moment here and then you see
what they do to Klieg...
- Spearhead from Space: Realistic waxworks and
department store mannequins
suddenly coming to life and having their hands fall away to reveal a gun
that blasts people away with a puff of orange smoke, folks... that's all I
gotta say.
- The Claws of Axos: Well, the red speghetti
monsters here are really very
similar to the green speghetti monsters of The Seeds of
Doom, but still
pretty freaky. Claws of Axos wins Scary Points for
its just plain
weirdness. The Axons are another throroughly alien race. The fact that
they come on beautiful and friendly only to be ghastly horrible parasites is
perfectly nightmarish, let alone the fact that they tend to succeed a bit in
getting their seed into our soil, so to speak.
- Planet of Evil: Okay, so this one is on my list
because I was totally
cliche-perfect hiding behind my sofa and holding my hands in front of my
face throughout this one when I first saw it when I was eight. The story is
fairly technobabbly nonsensical, of course, but it's a marvellous
jekyll/hyde horror drama too. Sorenson as he's transforming into the beast
and the later killings in the shadows of dark spaceship corridors is
fantastic gothic horror. It's actually only when he's totally physically
revealed at the end as a bit of a hairy growling nut that this story falls
down on the sensationally eerieness and chills. The red-outlined antimatter
beast itself on the planet, especially in its invisible form towards the
start of the story, actually is really just as eerie any as childhood horror
possible. And the alien jungle is straight from nightmares-ville.
- The Stones of Blood: The Ogri get one great scene
of incredibly effective
horror that puts them easily into the deep dark places of the (my) mind for
another kind of nightmare - innocent looking rocks that will suck all the
blood right out of your body just if you touch them - try imagining that
when you're eleven and playing by yourself at your local playground.
- Meglos: Every time Tom goes all cactoid, I still
get antsy. Also, the
intial human/Zolfa Thuran transformation scene is definitely a top ten
scariest moment of the series - up there with the Ogri Meets Campers and the
Dr. Lawrence Goes Nuts scenes above.
- Terminus: Well, the end of the world by rebooting
the big bang is a pretty
thrilling chiller notion. The Lazars are plenty terrifying too, with their
total hopelessness on top of contagiousness and all around grim atmosphere
throughout the story.
- Attack of the Cybermen: Attack soundly reaffirms the scariness of the
Cybermen. These guys are looking to make us like them. And we get to see
several otherwise very fit men transforming into Cybermen, bit by bit. The
two loser worker cyber-guys are particularly haunting as they just end up
only partly cyber-ized and then tortured by being untirable - thinking,
feeling minds on top of the perfection of cyber-bodies. Their place at the
start of the story is already a fairly well-depicted hell... and we see by
the end that you really can't get out of there either...
a p.s. note on the note above: Yeah, if you were confused on that one about
WOTAN, I'll explain... It knows the Doctor is Who... um... he is... yeah.
Top Ten 6th Doctor Stories by Richard Radcliffe
20/11/01
After being so poorly served by his time on screen the 6th Doctor has
come
into his own in Books and especially Audios. When I was younger I was
forever doing Top Ten stories for each Doctor - these lists, thanks to
new
material have now changed beyond recognition. The 6th Doctor Top Ten has
changed more than any of them - that is the one I shall do first. TV,
Books,
Comics and Audios included:-
10 Nightmare Fair - One of the first missing
adventures that show the 6th
Doctor is better than his TV output. I like Blackpool too!
9 Marian Conspiracy - Introduction of the
excellent companion Evelyn for the 6th
Doctor, one of the best Historicals.
8 Project:Twilight - Gory tale, totally suited to
the Doctors character.
Hopefully a sequel will materialize sooner rather than later.
7 Players - Terrance Dicks can write the best
books, and his Winston Churchill book is one of his best.
6 Once Upon A Time-Lord – Building upon the fantastic
style of Voyager, this further brings a magical world to our
doorstep.
5 The Two Doctors - The only TV story to make the
Top Ten. Helped along by
the wonderful Pat Troughton. Great story from Robert Holmes.
4 The Holy Terror – A clever and witty
piece of dark humour. All hail the Big Talking Bird!
3 The Voyager – A tour de force of the imagination,
magnificent visuals and Colourful prose abound.
2 Grave Matter - One of the best pieces of
Who original Fiction there is - completely capturing the essence of
classic Who.
1 Spectre of Lanyon Moor - It had to be an Audio
on top. Colin Baker is the
best Audio Doctor, and this is a marvelous traditional tale.
Ten Official Writer's Guidelines for the Pertwee era by Mike Morris
22/11/01
TOP SECRET documents have come to light. In 1969
Pertwee was in place, backed by cutting-edge stories
put in place by the previous production team. But fear
not, this would change. Between 1970 and 1974, Terry
and Baz had a plan. They knew what their stories
should be like. And they had rules.
Recently discovered in an old public toilet in Tooting
Bec, beneath the carcass of a decaying Yeti who
couldn't get out because the door was too small,
researchers have found the official guidelines for
Pertwe-era Who stories. They also found the master
tapes of Episode Four of The Tenth Planet, but
mistakenly taped over it with a celebrity edition of
Stars In Their Eyes. Oh well.
And, for the first time in history, here they are.
- The Doctor has a time machine and can go anywhere
or "anywhen" in the universe. Please bear in mind,
however, that most alien planets look like a quarry or
a single unfurnished room, so he tends to stay on
twentieth-century earth quite a bit.
- As you will be aware, the Doctor is a Time Lord and
thus far more intelligent than mere humans. This may
suggest that you make him unusually clever, but we
would prefer it if instead you make everyone else
unusually stupid.
- We are currently in negotiations with the BBC to
reduce the duration of the episodes from twenty-five
minutes to fifteen minutes, as Terrance's missus is
complaining that his dinner keeps getting cold and
Barry's Buddhist Centre closes at seven o'clock. While
this has not yet come into effect it may happen at any
moment, so please include ten minutes worth of
irrelevant material that could be removed from the
story without affecting the plot in EVERY EPISODE. We
suggest a good long car chase.
- A recent survey has revealed our audience
demographic; 63% are children. We feel that this is
not a lucrative market, and would prefer the show to
be watched chiefly by yokels, and in particular
poachers. Please include a poacher or yokel at some
stage wherever possible to woo this untapped audience.
- It is written into the contract of Jonny Bignose,
sorry we mean Mr Pertwee, that he must have a twelve
minute fight scene and a moralistic speech included in
every story. However, we are trying to piss him off by
making the fight scenes desperately unconvincing and
the speeches incredibly boring and pompous, so please
oblige us in this small detail. We've a bet on that
he'll quit within five years and blame it on the
break-up of the "family". Yeah right.
- Further to this point, we feel it would be an
interesting direction to counterpoint the Doctor's
natural charisma (so brilliantly established by
Bignose during his first season) from time to time by
making him pompous, opinionated, right-wing and
patronising.
- Please allow the Doctor to drop the name of at
least one historical figure in every episode, as this
reinforces the mystery of the character. Obviously
there are limits; we would prefer it if the Doctor did
not mention meeting Jesus Christ! Stick to tasteful
characters that the Doctor might conceivably form a
friendship with, such as Genghis Khan, Hitler,
Napoleon and Mao Tse-Tung.
- A note on the treatment of UNIT. We feel that the
military are all too often portrayed in a
stereotypical fashion. We would like to avoid this. We
visualise UNIT as having an old warehouse as their HQ
and about five soldiers to spare. Also, their leader
was originally portrayed as a warrior of poise,
stature and judgement. This was valid, but we see the
Brigadier in a different light; a buffoon who blows
things up all the time is a more interesting
characterisation, and this is the direction we wish to
take.
- We have, in our spare time (such as it is!) been
thinking about the future of mankind, and have come to
the conclusion that rural living is unsustainable. The
future for mankind lies in the city and in urbanity.
Scenes such as those in Spearhead from Space spread
an irresponsible anti-urban message. Please avoid
this. Set stories in rural villages wherever possible,
thus implying that the countryside is incredibly
dangerous. Portray all rural people as stupid and
stereotypical, to suggest that your neighbours will be
smelly inbreds if you move out of London. These steps
may seem curious, but the future of the human race
hangs in the balance and these measures might just
save the world.
- Could you put the Master in it somewhere? Anywhere
will do. Don't worry about logic or motivation, we'll,
er, work that out later. Honest.
Signed, Baz and Tel. Oh, and if you know of any vacant
positions going for a producer or script editor,
please let us know. Please. Anything will do. Anything
at all